What Are We Really Supposed to Be Conservative About?

Lately, we’ve seen a trend: families who were once very conservative either make an unexpected shift toward liberalism, or end up broken and divided—sometimes even through divorce. It makes me ask: what are we really supposed to be “conservative” about?

What Does It Mean to Be Conservative?

To answer that, I turn to the dictionary. The word conservative means “averse to change or innovation and holding to traditional values.”

“Averse to change.” But what happens when your child becomes a teenager and starts making decisions that differ from what you’ve taught them? Suppose you’ve raised them with conservative principles and reforms—modesty, healthful living, careful media choices, reverence, and restraint—and they now want to dress differently, eat certain foods, read different books, listen to music you disapprove of, or pursue a career path you didn’t anticipate. This is change, and if you’re averse to it, how will you react?

What Should Our Traditional Values Be?

It’s not wrong to have traditional values, but what should our underlying traditional values be? Jeremiah 6:16 tells us to “Ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls.” In Matthew 11, Jesus invites us to “Learn of Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

Jesus Himself is the “old path”—from everlasting to everlasting. His character has always been and will always be. When we walk in His way, we find true rest—not merely from fear or confusion, but from the urge to react in anger, control, betrayal, or frustration. We experience peace even when our children make choices we may not agree with, because we are trusting Him to work on their hearts. Instead of resorting to manipulation, peer pressure, or emotional coercion, we respond with love—resting in His love and reflecting His character.

Conservative in Spirit, Not Just in Standards

Let’s take another look at the word conservative. Some of its synonyms are quiet, subdued, restrained, and unobtrusive. Perhaps instead of focusing so heavily on promoting conservative views, we need to be more conservative in our responses.

As the saying goes, “Silence is golden”—and Jesus modeled this perfectly. When He stood before Herod, a man who was part of the church and living in deep sin, Jesus didn’t lecture him or call out his wrong choices. Though deeply principled, Jesus didn’t use harsh words to make His point. Instead, He allowed the silent witness of His character—the power of restraint, a subdued spirit, and the presence of love—alongside the work of the Holy Spirit, to speak to Herod’s heart.

We don’t have to convince our children that we are right through a flood of words, especially angry ones. Jesus is our pattern. He allowed the Holy Spirit to do the convincing. We must be conservative in spirit—restrained, meek, unobtrusive—especially in areas where our children are making their own choices. Meekness and lowliness of heart will value their salvation more than the need to prove our own opinions right. That way, we can cooperate with God for their eternal salvation and not push them away.

How Do We React?

Another synonym for conservative is reactionary. When our children make choices we disapprove of, do we respond with knee-jerk reactions—trying to control, scold, or even threaten them?

“It’s not about how we act, it’s about how we react.”

We can react so quickly, emotionally, and harshly—without taking time to reflect on the spirit we’re bringing into the conversation. Even if our point is right, if our spirit is wrong, we are wrong. Worse still, we will lose the hearts we are trying to reach.

The Power of Love and Letting Go

Think of the father of the prodigal son. Did he use manipulation, threats, or anger to stop his son from leaving? No. He allowed him to choose his path—even giving him his inheritance, knowing how it would be used. Why? Because the father wanted his son to know he could always come back. And that assurance—the memory of love—was what brought him back.

If the father had closed his heart, the son might have never returned. If we respond with love, even when our children choose the wrong path, they’ll know they can return. But if we become diehard in our ideas—determined to prove our point at all costs—we risk losing our children entirely.

This is a lesson for all of us: as painful as it may be, we must allow our children to make their own choices—even if that means letting them go. Though their decisions may lead to pain, they need to know that they can always return to a heart full of love. But for them to believe that, they must be allowed to leave with love, not condemnation. If we respond harshly or cling stubbornly to being “right,” they may feel they can never come back—and we risk losing them forever. It’s better to let our need to prove a point die and let love live, than to see our child lost without ever knowing what true love is. True love never dies. It follows them in the person of the Holy Spirit, gently guiding them even in their wandering, and it waits—always ready to welcome them home. If our children do not deeply know our love, they may harden their hearts and reject the Spirit’s voice. The love we show is the key that can unlock the door they’ve tried to shut.

Reforms Without the Spirit

Let’s shift to another issue: the rising number of divorces among conservative families. How is this happening? We’ve emphasized outward reforms so much—dress, diet, location, curriculum—that we’ve neglected what we truly need to “wear”: the character of Christ. We can have all the right reforms on the outside, but still be naked on the inside and not even realize it.

We may believe we’re practicing true education because we live in the country, include the Bible and nature in our child’s curriculum, and follow certain principles. But are we truly sitting at the feet of Jesus, like Mary, learning directly from Him? Are we daily enrolling in the school of Christ—learning how to govern our homes with love, patience, long-suffering, forgiveness, gentleness, meekness, and humility? Without this, families often break apart. Simply being rooted in reforms will not save us or shield us from the enemy’s attacks—and he knows how to strike, often when we least expect it. Outwardly, our homes may appear in order, but inwardly, there can be strife. So where must the reform begin? In the heart—with a new heart, born again through the Spirit.

Spiritual Disaster Preparedness

What if we discover that our spouse or child is struggling with an addiction? Are we so conservative that we cannot tolerate failure in our homes? Do we react by shutting them out, divorcing them, or closing our hearts to them in a moment of shock and judgment? If we had been sitting at the feet of Jesus all along, learning His ways—not just reading about reforms to check off a list, or mimicking other conservative families instead of looking to Jesus and following His example—we would not be caught off guard. Instead, we would be spiritually prepared to respond with grace, wisdom, and love that leads to healing.

In my disaster response ministry, we train to be ready for crises. What about spiritual disasters in our own homes? If you’re not training now—through daily surrender to Jesus—you may be swept away by the enemy’s flood. But if you cry out, “Lord, save me or I perish!”—He will reach out His hand.

True Conservatism Is Christlikeness

And when He saves you, let Him also teach you what you needed to know all along. True conservatism isn’t about preserving external standards—it’s about preserving the character of Christ in our hearts and homes.

“True conservatism isn’t about standards—it’s about Christlike character.”